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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25070938">focal point</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlyunstablefangirl/pseuds/mostlyunstablefangirl'>mostlyunstablefangirl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Euphoria (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:34:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,419</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25070938</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlyunstablefangirl/pseuds/mostlyunstablefangirl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Rue’s PMS kicks in, she cries. Hard. This time, she cried over J. Cole’s Wet Dreamz music video, again. And when Rue cries after 9 p.m., her eyes swell. And when her eyes swell, you know them boys are gonna still be puffy by morning. Enough that Rue isn’t going to want to put her contacts in.</p><p>6 times Rue wears her glasses, and 6 times Lexi likes it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rue Bennett/Lexi Howard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>213</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>focal point</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Rue is doing well, like really well, she lets her body achieve its natural homeostasis. It’s senior year and she’s a year clean. Her last fall off the wagon was winter formal of junior year. It’s now long past winter formal of senior year--February, to be exact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Rue lets her body achieve its natural homeostasis, and fully eats breakfast, and eats more than Lucky Charms for every meal, she has normal periods. And when she has normal periods, her premenstrual syndrome kicks in like clockwork once a month.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Rue’s PMS kicks in, she cries. Hard. This time, she cried over J. Cole’s Wet Dreamz music video, again. What can she say? It has puppies and a romantic subplot. It’s a fully formed youth narrative written by a Black artist. How could she not cry?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when Rue cries after 9 p.m., her eyes swell. And when her eyes swell, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>them boys are gonna still be puffy by morning. Enough that Rue isn’t going to want to put her contacts in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s how Rue ends up in AP biology in her--decidedly hipster--pair of glasses. You know those kinds with the thick trim up top and the skinny frame down bottom? Yeah, you know what kind I’m talking about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She eases onto her assigned stool beside Lexi, hoping that no one will think she’s hungover. Or worse, that people will detect that she was crying last night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi’s doodling abstractly in her notebook before she glances up. She looks thrown for a minute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I was crying last night, but it wasn’t over heartbreak or anything stupid. It was--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“--J. Cole’s Wet Dreamz,” Lexi supplies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have I talked about this before?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only four times.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I like hearing about it. I love that music video, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teacher begins to lecture about convergent evolution, but Lexi can’t seem to focus. She shifts in her seat uncomfortably.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you on your period, too?” Rue asks surreptitiously. Nothing worse than a misplaced tampon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi blushes furiously and shakes her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look pretty today,” Rue adds as a last whisper, before the teacher silences her with a glare. “That miniskirt is…” Rue just replaces the last word with a suggestive rake over Lexi’s body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because that’s how girls are supposed to compliment their best friends, right? Especially when said best friend backs you up on your music taste.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi stares at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue, for a moment, worries that she’s said something wrong, offended Lexi with her queer gaze. She shakes her head, reminding herself that Lexi would probably tell her. Right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi just clears her throat and sits up straighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A’ight, whatever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second time it happens, Rue is just lazy. She forgoes her contacts and makeup completely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it has to do with her test in AP English today, cramming words like </span>
  <em>
    <span>inimitable </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>insular </span>
  </em>
  <span>into her--albeit no longer drug-addled, but still fried on some days--brain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She also reverts to her laid-back style, one that makes her mom do a double-take and give her a questioning look. It’s a high-top Converse and boyfriend shorts and a hoodie kinda day, Mom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For comfort,” Rue explains patiently, “during my test.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leslie gives her a serene and tolerant sort of smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first thing that happens when Rue arrives at school that morning is Lexi walks headlong into a locker door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, dude, are you okay?” Rue asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kat explodes into giggles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m fine,” Lexi mutters, visibly embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue strokes her hand over Lexi’s hair in the front, hoping to soothe the spot without further irritating it. Lexi stares directly ahead at Rue, swallowing thickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right. Lexi isn’t a big fan of physical touch. Has never been. At least, that’s what Rue has gleaned from their physical interactions, which end mostly with the smaller girl mute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gotta slow down, Howard,” Rue warns. “Ain’t no place in the school you gotta get to, that’s more important than this noggin right here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi just laughs weakly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rue wears her glasses to a party because she can’t be bothered to take a contact case and solution with her, for the purpose of spending the night at the Howards’ afterward. The college freshman and Cassie are home on spring break, their dreams of a destination break dashed by the poor college student lifestyle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They play spin-the-bottle, and Rue just hopes she doesn’t get mono. She imagines herself around this time last year, playing the same game and studiously avoiding Jules’s gaze. Praying they weren’t fated to kiss. That’s not a problem this time around, as Jules moved back to the city last summer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course Rue felt a pang of sadness. How could she not, with her first love? But she recognized that though some people </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel </span>
  </em>
  <span>good, they aren’t good </span>
  <em>
    <span>for </span>
  </em>
  <span>you. She could hardly blame that on free-spirited Jules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rue!” Maddy whoops, and Rue looks up from her reverie to find the bottle pointed in her direction. She shrugs, because Maddy isn’t the worst person to have gotten. She shuffles on her knees in the girl’s direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not me, I didn’t spin,” Maddy protests.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who spun?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maddy points.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s Lexi, looking red as hell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, Rue,” Lexi says quietly upon Rue’s approach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue is bewildered. “I dunno why you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>sorry</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Lex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue takes Lexi’s chin in hand and leans in to kiss her, lingering a bit longer than a peck. Long enough for the wetness of their inner lips to smear and make a noticeable smack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Long enough for Rue to want more. She sighs--she’s not even drunk, as is the case at all of these events. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue’s glasses are offset a bit by contacting the bridge of Lexi’s nose. Rue prods at the side of the frames to right them. Lexi’s eyes follow the movement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi pops back down onto her knees, looking everywhere but Rue’s direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And great--now her het best friend is uncomfortable. Fuck high school.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the morning at Lexi and Cassie’s, they wake up with the intent of making pancakes. Their mom offers mimosas, which the girls politely decline with their hangovers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue takes her sweet time getting out of Lexi’s bed, which since Cassie’s graduation has been a sanctuary  for the two of them alone. Not that Rue is normally touching Lexi when they sleep. She’s a big proponent of cuddling, but she’s not willing to invade Lexi’s boundaries.</span>
</p><p><span>That’s not to say that they don’t ever</span> <span>wake up cuddling, Rue’s arm habitually strewn across the smaller girl’s waist.</span></p><p>
  <span>Cassie and Maddy dance around the kitchen to a playlist they made for sampling the frats on weekends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue smears batter on Lexi’s nose. Lexi grins the biggest grin and does it back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you Pavlovian conditioning me?” Lexi blurts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue looks up from her pre-calc homework. She’s a bit behind in math due to her...previous transgressions. Lexi and her AP calculus ass are helping Rue out on a recurring basis--every Thursday before her homework is due.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? That’s like the salivating dog thing, right?” Rue recalls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Are you doing it to me with your glasses?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue just now remembers that she’s wearing her glasses. As if on cue, she pushes them up the bridge of her nose self-consciously. “No. What would I be doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi bites her lip. “Every time you wear them, you’re affectionate towards me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue’s eyes trail over to where her fingers are playing light keystrokes against Lexi’s ankle, to the music that’s playing faintly from the speaker in the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, dude, I’m sorry,” Rue says sincerely. “I didn’t realize I was being a creep or anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi leans closer, stomach pressing into the throw pillow she was holding and nervously plucking in her lap. “Rue, even though Pavlovian conditioning can be used with negative reinforcement, I was referring to the positive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, nerd,” Rue snorts. “So you like when I touch you? I always thought you hated it, since you were a kid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that,” Lexi says anxiously. “I just sometimes worry what it </span>
  <em>
    <span>means</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Rue says, heartbeat quickening and stomach feeling like she swallowed a peach pit. “I wouldn’t… You knew I was in love with Jules, right? That’s never gonna happen with me and you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi flinches. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue thinks, with some guilt, that she just lied. It’s been over a year since she really, expertly lied.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lexi hasn’t texted her for three days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Considering they now talk all day, every day, Rue wonders if she didn’t do enough to reassure Lexi that she doesn’t have a boner for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which she does, but not in like. A predatory way. In a quiet way. A way that she’ll keep under wraps as long as she lives. Like she’s been doing since she hit puberty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe, Rue thinks then, her angle should be honesty. She should say that she is indeed attracted to Lexi, but that she’ll never act on her feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wore her glasses today as a peace offering--she’s still mightily confused, but if she heard correctly, Lexi likes them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Discarding her bike on the Howards’ lawn, she walks up to the door. Lexi’s the one who answers, not looking Rue in the eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Rue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m kinda busy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doing what? Don’t lie.” Rue takes the offensive at first, then gentles. “I’m sorry. I can clear things up for you if you want. You can ask me any questions and I’ll answer honestly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi hesitates momentarily, then nods and turns towards the stairs. Rue knows this is a motion to follow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi closes the door behind them, even though it appeared her mom isn’t home. She crosses her arms--is she...mad?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you wanna talk about?” Lexi asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I said, last time we hung out,” Rue draws out slowly. “Maybe you could tell that it wasn’t completely true. Maybe it makes me a bad friend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi looks perplexed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue goes on. “What I meant was, what I started with Jules was maybe taking advantage of her friendship and idolizing her as a...as something else. When really, she just wanted a friend. And that’s why it didn’t work out. I’d never do anything to jeopardize our friendship, you and me, Lexi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi opens her mouth to speak, but nothing emerges.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so important to me, and that’s why I try not to...touch you too much. As much as I want to-- because look at you, you’re so cute and squeezable, but I’d never break your boundaries like that. I’m sorry if I freaked you out by doing it more lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, so you didn’t mean it like--?” Lexi seems to roll the words in her mouth. “You didn’t mean it like, ‘I can’t compare to Jules and you’d never want to touch me that way?’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s all out of Lexi’s mouth in a rush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue’s eyes dart to either side of the room, calculating. “No?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes Rue a moment to catch up. Lexi bites her lip. It suddenly dawns on her, how their previous conversation could have been construed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were mad because you thought I meant it that way?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well...yeah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue looks at Lexi, arms folded over themselves and curled hair perfectly in place. Signature miniskirt hugging her thighs in that delectable way, that way that Rue had never allowed herself to truly examine before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That means you’re...cool with me touching you that way?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that’s what I was trying to tell you.” Lexi looks up at the ceiling, as if trying to astral project out of this conversation. “With the glasses thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue takes a step closer. “That you like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I like it. And your glasses. Every time you wear the glasses, I think you’re gonna--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi doesn’t answer. “And they make me wanna--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna do what, Lexi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi makes a frustrated noise, and finally looks directly at Rue. It’s followed by two steps forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two steps is all it takes for her to get to Rue, take Rue’s face in her hands, and connect their lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue’s glasses are immediately off-kilter and develop a fog, but she doesn’t care. She kisses Lexi like her life depends on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi wets Rue’s lips with her tongue, and their mouths make that soft, comforting smack noise in the silence. Accompanied by the sound of heavy breathing--is Rue really that easy? She chastises herself for how excited she is already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi pushes her down onto the sofa in her bedroom, and Rue plops down onto the surface that’s littered with various blankets and pillows. There’s lingering frustration in Lexi’s movements, though it seems like they resolved the root of Lexi’s anger, and damn if it’s not a little hot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi’s knees move to straddle Rue’s lap, and Rue’s mind goes...empty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi sips at her throat, stopping every few inches to nip lightly. Rue remembers a time when she expressed that she didn’t like to be bitten. This feels very different--the gentle scrape of Lexi’s teeth are more like a </span>
  <em>
    <span>promise </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be tender.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rue quickly finds that she’s palming Lexi’s ass over her skirt, and she quickly moves them away, trying to stay in “lower back” territory. Lexi reaches back and pushes her hands down to their previous position.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wow--okay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lexi,” Rue hastens to say, “do you want to talk about what this means?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi pauses, stroking through Rue’s hair in the direction of her bun. Her voice drops to a whisper. “What do you want it to mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um,” Rue says. “I think, if we were together, I’d want to be with you for a long time. I mean, I don’t know how that will work with you going off to college, but we could find a way--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi cuts her off with a peck. “You read my mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I can’t lose you,” Rue says soberly. “You’re my best friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re friends, first and foremost,” Lexi promises. “Nothing will ever change that. I won’t idolize you, you won’t idolize me, and we’ll both do the things we need to do for ourselves. Like we’ve been doing for the past year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexi makes it all seem so simple. Rue just nods as Lexi presses their foreheads together, both of them breathing raggedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now,” Lexi says, extracting her legs from Rue’s lap as Rue makes a soft noise of protest. “I have to call my sister and talk about you.”</span>
</p>
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